


Ready, Maim, Fire

by idioticfangirl



Series: The Avengers Team-Building Shenanigans [21]
Category: Ant-Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb), X-Men (Movies), X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Extreme Edition, F/M, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Superfamily (Marvel), Team Bonding, Team Dynamics, Team Fluff, Teambuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-04
Updated: 2015-11-04
Packaged: 2018-04-30 01:19:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5144993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idioticfangirl/pseuds/idioticfangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In an X-treme edition of the teambuilding shenanigans, The Avengers and the X-Men go head to head in a battle of epic proportions...paintball</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ready, Maim, Fire

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cartoonsandanime2](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cartoonsandanime2/gifts), [reikoseishin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reikoseishin/gifts).



> Honestly you guys are lucky I lowkey ship Alex/Hank but I though Pietrer was a weird enough ship for one fic

"Well fought," Professor X clasped Steve's hand in his own, shaking vigorously.

'And I see that you and Iron Man are doing well,' he thought in Steve's head. Steve jumped, unused to having his head invaded in such a way. He automatically looked over to where Tony was flying around, trying to avoid blasts of ice that Iceman was jetting at him. Nearby, Havok was trying to provoke Bruce, who honestly just wanted to sleep, Beast was pestering Vision about various science theories, and Angel was flying about Clint, kicking his head.

"If you excuse me, I have to..." Steve gestured to where Clint was definitely coming dangerously close to murdering the girl if he kicked her one more time.

"You'll excuse them, won't you?" Professor X refused to let go of his hand, "They are merely children, you are their heroes."

"Clint won't be a hero much longer if he gets any more pissed off," Tony landed behind Professor X, using his tall frame as a shield from Iceman. 

"Angel!" Professor X called. Whatever else he said was spoken directly into her mind, but it must have worked because she landed shortly, and even apologised to Clint. He didn't seem bothered, couldn't really get mad at people for annoying him since he rejoiced in doing it to others, but Natasha glared. Angel didn't seem to notice the danger, and skipped over to the professor.

With only a touch of his hand to his head, Professor X called the X Men about him. Steve went for the more traditional method of yelling "Avengers Assemble!" and holding his shield in the air so that it glinted in the light. Granted, it was more effort, but it looked significantly cooler, and worked just as well.

Introductions were made, and the two groups stood in a rather disjointed half-circle. There were obvious gaps between them. Charles looked at these gaps and then up at Steve.

"I know you have been bonding as a team. How about we all do, just in case we need to fight with you again?"

Steve almost made a face at the thought, but his politeness kept his face a mask. He nodded, looking about at his team before announcing, "We have to go to the medical centre for a check, but we could do something tomorrow?"

Logan snorted. "You still go to the medics? What kind of superheroes go to hospital?"

"The kind the public trust," Tony smiled, as Steve attempted to speak over him,

"When we didn't, we had to go to first-aid teaching."

"Who can make you do anything?" Logan pointedly ignored Tony's comment, but Steve didn't have to be a mind reader to know that it had hit home.

"Have you met Director Fury?"

"What were you saying about me?" As if summoned, Fury appeared, flanked by Coulson and Hill. Sean and Hank looked terrified of the tall man with an eyepatch striding into their midst, but Logan coolly asked, 

"Are you a pirate?"

In an instant, Coulson and Hill had drawn their guns. 

"Go ahead," Logan shrugged, "you can't kill me."

"They can make you wish they did, Wolverine. Besides," it was Fury's turn to smirk, "don't forget who's side the hulk is on." He left, swirling away dramatically, and the entire X Men suddenly remembered that the scrawny nerd in front of them had the capability to destroy an entire city.

"So," Scott spoke up above the silence, "who likes paintballing?"

 

 

The next day, the two teams met again. Bruises and cuts still showing from the previous battle, they picked up the paintball guns and were released into the forest for a long game of stress relief. The teams were slightly unfair, they both had thirteen players to begin with but at the insistence of several terrified X-Men, Bruce sat out. He looked almost as relieved as his opposition did, choosing a spot on the sidelines where he was out of danger but could still watch and laugh.

The rules were simple, if you get hit you sit out for five minutes and then go back in. The instructor, looking as though he wished he'd just called in sick and let the hangover take over, blew the whistle to begin.

Steve stumbled slightly as his brain was battered by something. Whispers of drop the gun drop the gun drop the gun filled his ears, and although he had never dropped his weapon in his life Steve's fingers loosened and nearly slipped. Then the pressure was lifted, and he could think and move again. When he looked around, the rest of his team was looking similarly dazed, except Wanda. Her eyes were locked fiercely with Charles', even from so far away, and a red aura was surrounding her.

"We'll leave the two telepaths to it," Steve announced, his tongue clumsy and too big in his mouth, "I don't think that they're gonna be doing much else."

"As long as he stays out of my mind," Scott muttered, and Steve agreed wholeheartedly.

"Well, while they're otherwise occupied, we can make a strategy."

"I was thinking, hit them and run," Pietro inputted.

"Whatever works for you, speedy. Snipers, in the trees. Peter, web the guns. Thor, try not to murder anyone. And for heaven's sake leave thunder out of it!"

"Good pun, Cap."

"What, Stark?"

"Heavens...thunder?"

"Tony, shut up and pick up your gun."

"I was thinking, could I put paintballs in the suit?"

"You idiot," Steve muttered fondly, and the rest of the team dispersed swiftly when the two started making out.

 

Cyclops was having a significantly harder time arranging his team. Without Professor X to calm down the team by force, it was hard to get them all to listen. He had given up on telling Logan and Erik what to do years ago, and Rogue had already proved her uselessness by hitting a tree (behind her. She had been holding the gun backwards. How do you do that?). Bobby wanted them to play by the rules, trying to convince them that they would win if they tried hard, but the others were determined to cheat their way to the top using 'natural talent'.

It started with Mystique.

Steve called another strategy meeting for the Avengers team.

"So tell me," he asked the team, "exactly what your roles are? So that I know you understand."

"We aren't children," Clint rolled his eyes, but they all repeated their earlier orders back to him.

"And you, uh, Sc-Tony?" Steve turned to Tony.

"This," Tony winked, launching himself at Steve and kissing him. Steve started sputtering, and it wasn't long before Tony was also pulling away, saying "you're not Steve?"

Mystique morphed back into her blue form, wiping her mouth and cackling at Tony's horror. It was worth the several paintballs to the chest, and the few minutes sitting out, for both their strategies and the chance to shock Tony Stark.

 

"What are you doing up there?" Darwin called to Clint, who was sitting in a tree looking remarkably comfortable, but far enough away that there was no way he could hit anyone.

"Snipesnipe," Clint called back, grinning from ear to ear in a way that was unsettling.

Darwin shook his head, muttering about how at least that was one less person to worry about, when he felt the painful spattering of pellets against his back, and side, and heard Clint's faint laughter.

"What happened to you?" Mystique, who was still sitting out, asked.

"I tried to adapt to the paintballs."

"You look like a chameleon!"

"Yeah, but you can't tell where I was hit."

 

"Yeah, bitch, you can't hit me!" Tony's voice rang out above the sound of guns shooting.

"Shut it, Stark!" Wolverine yelled back from across the clearing.

"Tony gets too into these things," Steve announced, springing up from the bushes near Logan, "but then, so do I." He grinned and waved as Logan stormed off.

 

"Hey, Natasha?" Sam asked, spotting her sitting in the clearing, "You know you're in plain sight, right?"

"I know," she smiled back.

"How don't you have any paint on you?" She smirked threateningly, raising a thin eyebrow, and he nodded dramatically. "That's badass," he grinned.

"So are you," came the response. Just as Sam turned back around, there was a splattering sound, and Natasha sat up completely, dangerously, straight. She reached behind her and touched her back, pulling her fingers back when she felt a stickiness there and seeing a yellow paste over the tips of them. Completely serenely, she stood with excellent poise and grace, not even bothering to look at Logan as she left the field. 

"You're screwed," Sam told Logan cheerfully, and Logan seemed to realise his mistake.

"Hey, a wolf's like a dog, right? So you're literally a son of bitch!" Clint hailed down from the trees, following his statement with a burst of paint directly on Logan's groin.

"Howl does that feel?" Clint nearly fell out of his tree laughing at his own joke, and Logan warily took his place next to Natasha on the bench.

By the time Natasha was allowed back on, she was nodding understandingly at Logan and almost-smiling in that way that she meant she was highly impressed and amused, and he was looking less like he feared imminent death, although there was always Clint to worry about. She sat down in her previous spot, completely unhindered by either team, and raised her gun at a nearby figure (who turned out to be Scott Lang).

She heard somebody creeping up on her other side, but assumed (correctly) that no-one else would dare hit her, and kept her sights trained on the edge of the clearing for enemies. Whoever was 'creeping' up on her stopped directly by her side, and sat down heavily. Natasha looked over to see Angel, barely covered in paint but complaining nonetheless.

"I can't believe they forced me to do this! Look at my clothes, ruined! Why won't they hit you, are they scared or something? Oh well, as long as you're here I won't get shot, look at my nail - "

Natasha shot her.

 

 

High up in his tree, Bucky was having a problem. He had taken out a few of the X-Men, his impeccable aim coming in useful once more, but now he couldn't. He had Charles lined up along the barrel of his gun, he and Wanda hadn't moved since the start of the battle even though it had moved on from where they were standing, but he couldn't pull the trigger. It was infuriating, to say the least.

Underneath the tree, Magneto grinned and flicked his hand a little, jerking Bucky's arm so that he shot Tony instead. "You can't do shit to Charles or anyone else with a metal arm," he whispered gleefully.

 

A rather feminine scream from Scott Lang, followed by a roar, heralded the arrival of Beast. Scott turned to run, but before he could escape a zip of red light beamed past him, severing the tree next to him so that it fell and blocked his exit.

"You're probably not meant to do that," Hank told Alex, who was leaning on a tree and grinning as he pumped the paintballs at Scott, but Alex shrugged, unbothered.

 

"Has anyone hit you?" Peter asked, spotting Pietro bent against a tree catching his breath.

"Who knows," Pietro shrugged back, and Peter noticed something else.

"Where's your gun?" Pietro was holding the paintballs, and didn't have a weapon.

"Couldn't aim it at speed," Pietro lifted one shoulder, "so I gave up with it."

"Then how...?" Peter was saved having to finish the question by Pietro zipping off, and Mystique, who had been behind Peter, was left with a paint splat that looked suspiciously like a hand-print.

"That's how," Pietro winked.

 

Peter himself had used very few pellets. After the first fateful time, in which he managed to shoot himself three times in quick succession, it had become clear that paintball was not really his calling. There was, however, one thing that he could do. Every time that he came face-to-face with one of the X-Men, they would grin and aim at him. Just before they pulled the trigger, a blast of web would shoot out of his hands and block the barrel of the gun, leaving them weaponless until they could get it off. It was a pretty neat trick, and gave him time to get away.

 

Erik spent a quarter of his time looking over his shoulder, ensuring that Charles was still in his battle of minds and was not in any way injured or lagging. He assumed that either the Avengers had faith in Scarlet Witch to be okay or that they were doing it from afar, like he was. Then, one time when he checked, he saw a white-haired boy whom he assumed to be Quicksilver standing by her, talking in a low voice. He moved forward to get a closer look, frowning in confusion once he saw their faces clearly. They looked so familiar....

 

"Midgardian weapons are surprisingly flimsy, are they not?" Thor pointed out, looking not even slightly mollified as he held out a cracked and twisted gun to add to the pile of them that he was creating. The instructor seemed to be trying to think of a way to say 'no they're not you're just crazy strong', but Thor clapped him on the back and said, "Worry not, for I shall use my hammer!" and returned to the fray of the battle before anyone could yell at him about it being a bad idea.

Magneto, spotting the hammer in the edge of his vision, had a marvellous plan. He switched his attention from Bucky's arm to Thor, focussing heavily on getting the hammer to come towards him. It twitched, just a little, in his general direction, before Thor was clutching it tighter and shouting, "You are not worthy!"

 

"I've got you now, kid!" Tony grinned in triumph. Sean looked around, and, spotting no-one that could help him out of his predicament, performed a last-ditch attempt to not get hit. He screamed.

Tony yelped, dropping the gun to cover his ears. The scream could be heard just as clearly through his hands, and he took off at top speed, running headlong into a tree in his dash for freedom.

"Screaming to avoid conflict," Erik commented, once Sean had stopped, "that's reaching a new low." Sean agreed, bashful.

 

When the game ended, they tried to count up the amount of time each person had been hit. Steve turned around for a second, and when he turned back the X-Men were dripping wet and completely paint-free. He turned to Storm, who was staring defiantly at him, before announcing, "Looks like we lost, guys!" 

"Actually," Vision commented, "I think Scott lost." Everyone turned to look at Lang, who was covered in paint splatters from both teams, the paint all over his outfit.

Both the Avengers and the X-Men cheered, hi-fiving each other and whooping as they laughed at Scott.

"Sorry mate," Clint laughed, "nothing brings you together more than a common enemy."

 

The teams got on a lot more after that, although there was an awkward moment where Peter zoomed up and both he and Pietro looked at each other in confusion. Before Charles and Steve could step in, they had challenged each other to a race to see who was the fastest.

"Well, they're never coming back," Alex announced.

"They're probably in Africa by now," Vision replied mildly, although Peter Parker looked as though he may burst into tears at even given moment.

The washing was a nightmare, the Avengers tower covered in painty footprints and mud spatters, but it was worth it. For, the next time the Avengers and the X-Men had to work together to save a city, at least they didn't bite each others' heads off.

**Author's Note:**

> I still take requests for these if you want to comment below or email me kitty122011@hotmail.co.uk  
> Also I wrote an already-dead fic for Pieto/Peter so if you ship that and are sad about the lack of it (trust me, I've read all of the fics on here like twice) you could always go there? It's called Run For Your Life


End file.
